The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships by don Miguel Ruiz

Author:don Miguel Ruiz
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781938289835
Publisher: Hierophant Publishing

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the most transformative tool we have for healing our wounds with ourselves, our parents, or other adults who raised us and the wounds from our past and present partners. Forgiveness is a multifaceted process that can range from letting go of hurt to resolution to wishing well for the offending party. It can go further and include a deeply spiritual practice by which we fully embrace our hurt and release the person who hurt us, clearing the way for complete absolution.

Most importantly, forgiveness allows for the release of the ongoing burden of pain. It clears our hearts to love ourselves and one another fully. When we hold our pain and suffering inside us, we build a dam that blocks the waters of unconditional love; but when we allow those waters to flow, we can find joy and renewed beauty in the places that our wounds have been healed.

We forgive because we want to enjoy the present and look forward to the future. We forgive because we are empowered to set aside the baggage of the past that only weighs us down. We don't forgive under duress or out of guilt, but because we understand that thoughts and feelings of resentment, grudges, and anger are, as the saying goes, the poison we administer to ourselves with the intent to hurt someone else.

Looking with kindness and loving compassion, we may see that the one who hurt us was confused rather than evil, that they were pursuing what they thought they wanted. We may look back at our own past, to the times we are ashamed of, and see ourselves with friendly eyes, as one who was lost rather than guilty, doing the best we could at the time.

Forgiveness is not just for the big things. Our current relationship can be weighed down with one hundred, one thousand, or ten thousand little things that we are holding against our partner and ourselves, and over time the weight of these little things can be just as damaging as large-scale traumatic events. They can sap the creativity, connection, and kindness from our everyday exchanges with our partner. Opening to forgiveness grants an opportunity to drop the load, to clear the air, and to address the little things that are blocking your happiness together.

Forgiveness is a beautiful ideal, but we have often heard people say, “I just can't forgive this person. The hurt is too deep.” We understand these feelings and acknowledge that in many cases forgiveness is a difficult process, one that can't be rushed. At the same time, if this overwhelming pain applies to you, try setting aside the notion of saintly, absolute forgiveness. Along with it, kick to the curb any shame you are experiencing about wherever you are on your own personal forgiveness journey. Rather than trying to forgive all at once, all right now, simply ask yourself, what are you getting by holding on to your anger or resentment? We humans don't tend to do things for no reason.

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